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With A.J. Mahari

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Radical Acceptance is The Pathway to Freedom

August 3rd, 2010 | Author: admin

Author and Life Coach A.J. Mahari, in working with clients, has witnessed the empowering reality of Radical Acceptance in people’s lives. Radical Acceptance is a philosophy and a skill that can be learned and practiced and that helps people to stop resisting what is actually blocking them from wanted and needed change and healing. Whether you have a mental illness, personality disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, love and care about someone who does, or whether you are stressed out, often anxious, or if you have been sexually abused or had a traumatic or even a merely difficult up-bringing (most have some wounds from childhood) or consider yourself to be healthy and just fine, Radical Acceptance can and will enhance your overall quality of life and your spiritual experience in and of everyday life.

Radical Acceptance requires that you change the direction that you allow your mind to go in. It requires that you accept that you have the ability to act with the power of choice and that most things we think and do are choices. Practicing acceptance, actually being accepting of whatever is, is a choice. It is a choice that brings with it emotional freedom. It is a choice that replaces chaos and suffering with manageable pain and in time, peace of mind.

Radical Acceptance practice allows you to unearth the very root causes of so much of your emotional angst and suffering.

Radical Acceptance is a way of saying yes to each and every moment mindfully. If we can radically accept that we won’t always be accepted or liked by others and that life is full of challenges, for example, we can clear the pathway from the power of rejection and negative experience and/or thoughts and how we may have experienced them as severing our belonging. We can then make way for much more positive thoughts and feelings. Rejection or any other defined negative experience only has the power that we continue to give it. Radical Acceptance frees us up emotionally in reassuring ways that allow us to take back our personal power, or to not give it away to circumstance and whim anymore.

Practicing Radical Acceptance will, as Dr. Wayne Dyer, talks about in his book, Your Sacred Self” enable you to become more in tune with your “observer self”. It is from this “observer self” that one can begin to see things much more clearly. You can merely observe and accept whatever is. You don’t have to react to it. You don’t have to interpret it as “good” or “bad”. It can just be and so too can you just be. Just be with it, whatever, it is. Radically accept it. By doing so you will be exercising the power of your “observer self” and as a result you will be able to choose to stay in a calm and peaceful state no matter what emotions you are observing and/or feeling. Your “observer self” does not do anything with the emotions that you feel or that are at hand. They are just observed as existing. No more and no less.

Literally, using radical acceptance, through your “observer self” will gift you with the true “power of now” (Eckhart Tolle). The power of now is the inherent reality that willfully we can experience whatever the now has to offer us through observing and radically accepting without interpreting or taking any action whatsoever. This is freeing.

In Your Sacred Self Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “The little three-letter word ego has had various meanings applied to it…there are many misinterpretations of the word ego…I look upon the ego as nothing more than an idea that each of us has about ourselves. That is, the ego is only an illusion, but a very influential one…The ego is a mental, invisible, formless, boundaryless idea. It is nothing more than the idea you have of your self — your body/mind/soul self. Ego as a think is non-existent. It is an illusion. Entertaining that illusion can prevent you from knowing your true self.”

As I have written in my Ebook, The Shadows and Echoes of Self, “Your true self awaits your mindful radical acceptance of things, thoughts, feelings, people, and events in your life. Your true self awaits your warm nurturing loving kindness, your forgiveness, your attention to his/her woundedness and pain. It is in these precious new moments of radical acceptance that the true self begins to slowly re-awaken from a trauma-induced slumber of denial and bullying abandonment through one’s own pain by his/her false self. That knock on the door of your soul is your spirited inner-child, authenticity personified clamoring to get your attention that he/she might have, finally, his/her wounded unmet needs satiated” (A.J. Mahari)

Learning about, reading about, and then beginning to practice Radical Acceptance is a crucial aspect of learning to find, know, and continue to develop your authentic self. Radical Acceptance, in my experience is like a pause button on a VCR, it gives you time to experience things that you otherwise wouldn’t. These experiences over time begin to be life-changing. These new experiences, even seconds at a time will open small new windows for any and all who have become enslaved to the repetitive and self-defeating worry thoughts and cognitively-distorted beliefs of his/her false self.

There is an inherent reality in each now that is missed and lost if we aren’t radically accepting what is in each unfolding present moment. Ekhart Tolle, in his book, The Power of Now says, “Instead of ‘watching the thinker’ you can also create a gap in the mind stream simply by directing the focus of your attention into the Now. Just become intensely conscious of the present moment. This is a deeply satisfying thing to do. In this way, you draw consciousness away from mind activity and create a gap of no-mind in which you are highly alert and aware but not thinking. This is the essence of meditation…The single most vital step on your journey toward enlightenment is this: learn to disidentify from your mind. Every time you create a gap in the stream of the mind, the light of your consciousness grows stronger.”

It is important to not have your sense of self dependant upon the content of your mind. Living merely at the whim of each and every thought denies your soul room to be and to breathe. We are much more than our minds. In fact, as Tolle points out in his book, The Power of Now our minds our tools that we have at our disposal for specific tasks. Like any tool, a drill or a screwdriver, which we put away after we are finished using it for a specific task, we also need to lay down our minds from time to time. We no longer merely think, in this day and age, but we are actually more often than not, addicted to thinking and to processing information. We are addicted to thinking as a means of escape and also because we have identified ourselves with our thinking. We are much more than we think. This ghost-self that is addicted to thinking is the ego. To the ego, of which the false self is king, the present moment rarely exists.

The more you practice Radical Acceptance and allow the space of observation to permeate your experience the more you will learn to lay down your mind. This makes room for you to get in touch with a much more profound aspect of self – your true self, in all its authenticity which is the spiritual aspect of who you are — your soul.

If we are able to be fully present through radically accepting what is observing things such as our inner-body, our thoughts and feelings, events around us, surrender from a place of loving kindness and forgiveness and understanding and be a witness to the unmanifested of each moment we will be open to the ever-transforming reality of the power of now.

Radical acceptance means that we have to consciously choose to be aware in and of each and every moment. We need to be willing to choose to accept what is. Willing to surrender our wilfullness. Wilfullness is what often leads us to choose to deny what is and fight it with illogical thoughts, worry, anxiety and the like. It is not a fight that we often win really. Not accepting what is causes a tremendous amount of anxiety and worry and traps you in your suffering. Even if we have pain, accepting it and not fighting it can keep our pain from turning into suffering. There is a difference between pain and suffering.

Most of us don’t realize how much of our thinking is narrow, black and white, at times, and also very repetitive. Not to mention, often, negative and protective, often without cause. These kinds of thought patterns are always destined to give us similar feelings. Feelings that create anxiety and worry and leave us fearful and even angry. Feelings that, if acted upon, often produce very unwanted impulsive self-defeating and regrettable behaviour.

So much of what can be ruminated about and dwelt upon is what produces most of the anxiety and worry that many are suffering with and from. You can choose to stop it. You really can. By staying in the moment, being mindful, and radically accepting whatever is you can eliminate the ruminating and the need to worry and react in anxiety-producing ways. So much worry and anxiety originates with “what-if” thoughts or thoughts that build each feeling into a catastrophe of sorts usually with very dramatic reaction. If you make a choice to accept what is in the unfolding moment, mindfully, one moment at a time you can spare yourself the suffering from these cognitively-distorted anxiety-producing thoughts.

Radical acceptance does provide emotional freedom. It does this by freeing up our minds long enough with new information and possibility that we see that ruminating, dwelling on thoughts and worrying about things past or future robs us totally of every here and now unfolding present moment.

Life lived mindfully, with radical acceptance of all that is in each and every unfolding here and now moment, is manageable and transforms endless suffering into manageable pain and in time, into a greater more stable and consistent peace of mind.

When you radically accept something as being just as it is, no matter how initially undesirable the thought, emotion, or reality might be, you are freeing yourself to be able to, over time, cope much more effectively because you will be at the root of what actually is and not responding to how things appear to be or how you wish things were.

It is very important to work at tolerating the thoughts and feelings that you may have, for so long, felt very adverse to. Radically accepting them gives you an opportunity to get to know them in a new and more productive and manageable way. You will come to gain more insight into how you think and how that leaves you feeling by accepting what is and allowing yourself to equally accept how what is really feels without trying to deny it, push it away, mask it and/or escape from it.

Radical Acceptance unleashes our potential to experience the power of each and every now. It gives us an wonderful opportunity to experience more of what is, as it is and to learn to not react to anything and everything out of faulty thinking or faulty interpretations.

Whether you have a mental illness, personality disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, love and care about someone who does, are a Loved One of BPD or whether you are stressed out, often anxious, or if you have been sexually abused or had a traumatic or even a merely difficult up-bringing (most have some wounds from childhood) or consider yourself to be healthy and just fine Radical Acceptance can and will enhance your overall quality of life and your spiritual experience in and of everyday life.

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Each “Now” Moment Is a Raindrop

July 14th, 2010 | Author: A.J. Mahari

A.J. Mahari, an author and Life Coach, talks about the importance of now and how each moment is like a raindrop. What is, is now. Goals and dreams are important but what is it that keeps people blocked from their goals and dreams in ways that take them out of the now?

Do you separate out your goals and dreams and your experience in the here-and-now of your life? This can be a major contributor to being blocked and/or feeling stuck. What you aren’t aware of, in the here-and-now, can help you so much in further understanding yourself in ways that can and will help you get unblocked and unstuck – into action – and be the catalyst that propels you forward into to taking necessary action-steps to achieve and realize your goals and dreams.

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Radical Acceptance – Your Zen to Change

June 7th, 2010 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Everyone, really, whether they want to admit it and think about it or not, has goals and dreams – has desires, wants and needs. Most people understand what it will take to realize their goals and dreams – to fulfill their desires, wants and needs. Many people, at some point, tend to become resigned to a way of thinking wherein they start believing and reinforcing that they probably won’t ever get to achieving their goals and dreams. Many give up hope. Thinking that was once hopeful becomes pessimistic and negative. Why? Because all-too-often people don’t realize just how much the ways that they think create a self-imposed reality that they are actually choosing, often unconsciously – without awareness, to live from. The pain of uncovering these negative thoughts, negative core beliefs, and obstacles to change seems impossible. It is not impossible, however, to uncover, become more consciously aware of obstacles that are keeping you stuck and blocking you from realizing your desires, needs, wants, goals, and dreams. It is actually very possible. You can choose to embrace, one moment a time, a Zen philosophy of change that isn’t just a philosophy to be contemplated intellectually or spriritually.

Life Coaching Supports You

Your Zen to change is active practice that motivates, inspires, and promotes moving forward and finding the pathway to your goals and dreams.

Throughout our lives we are nudged by experiences that we begin to notice contradict or challenge many of the ways that we are thinking. Self-defeating ways of thinking. There are opportunities all around you to become more aware of what you are investing in – what you are focusing on. What are you resisting so strongly and why?

“What you resist will persist” – Carl Jung

Negative thoughts and negative patterns of behavior tend to repeat themselves. Unhealthy and/or self-destructive choices in relationships, reactive and defensive behavior to constructive criticizism, lack of friendships, disinterest in things that should matter are ways of resisting that only reinforce the persisting of that which you seek to escape or avoid. You may be becoming more aware of a pattern in the ways that people give you feedback or describe you. You may hear from others that they experience you as cold, controlling, difficult, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, or irresponsible. You may lose friends and relationships and not be aware of your responsibility in those losses. Negative and painful experience will continue to be the result of negative thinking and negative forms of relating or behaving.

No one grows up wanting to be described or experienced in these ways. No one wants to lose friends and relationships. It can be difficult and painful to take an honest look at what your experience, and/or other people’s feedback is trying to bring to your conscious awareness about you. You may want to just avoid or deny what is painful or not well understood. You may want to justify your behavior as having more to do with other people’s misinterpretations, insensitivity, judgment, or jealousy. The truth is that when enough people repeatedly give you the same feedback, directly or indirectly, you are being presented with a wonderful growth opportunity.

Your Zen to change involves a paradox. First, you will benefit from radically accepting yourself, as you are, right now in this moment, one moment at a time. If you feel hopeless, just radically accept that. Don’t judge that. Don’t judge yourself for that. Be with that. If you are a lot heavier than you want to be, stop resisting that. Radically accept yourself at the weight/size that you are. Be with that. If you feel lost or totally stuck and are thinking negatively, that’s okay, that’s what is. Radically accept that and be with that. No matter what you think or feel, radically accept it. Stop resisting it. Detach from the thoughts and/or the feelings. Observe them. One moment at a time just let them be what they are – what is – without reacting to them. Resisting what is in your life right now will reinforce it persisting.

The Zen dialectic or paradox that is the first step to moving forward is one that involves shifting your thinking from judging, over-focusing, ruminating,and negativity, to simply accepting what is – being neutral with what is because it is what is. Not attaching positive or negative meaning or interpretation to what is but instead just radically accepting it because it is. Embracing the moment in the here-and-now and letting the moment contain whatever it contains in a non-engaging way is the first step in your Zen to change.

The way to begin to free yourself up in ways that can get you on the road to achieving your goals and dreams and creating desired change in your life is to radically accept what is first. Stop resisting what is. Resisting what is, is how you keep yourself blocked or imprisoned in what blocks you from moving forward. Stop trying to be free in self-defeating ways that only pull you back to your emotional ground zero eventually. Your Zen first step to change is to just notice how you are imprisoning yourself in this very moment, right now, without judgment. Just observing that is the beginning of the freedom you want.

Then, radically accept that you are imprisoning yourself safe in the knowledge that as soon as you understand more about why and truly let go of resisting what is – the more you radically accept that you have imprisoned yourself in, for example:

your pain
in being obese
in being self-critical
in being alone
in feeling shame
in feeling unworthy
in low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth
in acting-out
in settling
in living up to a label, a diagnosis, or fear of abandonment, fear of being known
in fear of being loved and fear of loving
in old negative tapes from your past kept alive in your self-defeating patterns of negative thinking
in fear of not being liked
in not knowing who you are
in trying to avoid loss

Radically accepting that you have continued to resist the very change, growth, and/or healing you really do want will provide you with new questions, the answers, as you live your way into them will provide you with the awareness that will invite you to stop resisting all that you have resisted for so long. This will make it possible for you to begin to work toward identifying and achieving your goals and dreams.

Radical acceptance is the beginning of your moment of Zen to change because the moment you let go of trying to be free – resisting all that isn’t – by radically accepting and surrendering to all that is – to what is – you will realize that just as you have had the power to imprison yourself so too do you have to power to empower yourself to the freedom from ___________ that you so long for, and that you so deserve.

Your Zen to change awaits your becoming aware of your role in what is right now in your life. What is, is just what is. It is okay, simply because it is. Let this moment of realization and newly-found acceptance and surrender sustain you just as you are, because you are. You are enough, right now, just the way you are.

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Emotional Mastery Coaching With A.J. Mahari

June 4th, 2010 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Personal Coach A.J. Mahari

Touchstone Life Coaching Services – Mental Health Coaching with coach and strategist, A.J. Mahari is process that you can explore via telephone or email from anywhere in the world. Life coaching is a supportive, caring, compassionate, vehicle for creating change, identifying goals, healing and recovery, life and relationship enhancement and for breaking self-defeating and/or unhealthy patterns that may be holding you back from all that you desire in your life.

A.J. Mahari has been coaching those diagnosed with various forms of mental illness and their loved ones, along with those seeking change and more emotional balance and peace in their lives for whatever reasons for years now. A.J. offers emotional mastery coaching that also includes using strategy to cope more effectively with the many challenges of different forms of mental illness, specifically, or the many challenges of everyday life and its stresses.

This method of coaching, with a central focus of emotional mastery, while it can benefit anyone seeking a life coach like A.J., for whatever reasons, A.J. tailors it to the many different concerns of her clients. If you are looking for general life coaching and you need to be in better control of your emotions, or if you have BPD or any other mental illness, or if you are the loved one of someone with BPD or NPD, or any other form of mental illness this coaching program can help you. Mahari’s expertize comes from her own life challenges and experience. A.J. is an excellent, compassionate, and validating listener. She provides her clients with support, information, feedback, well-informed questions, and helps clients to identify goals and strategize to meet those goals. Often for those with any form or type of mental illness, even where recovery is possible, the over-all framework of mental health coaching is one that stresses coping and education about the client’s mental illness empowering the client to make choices that can produce positive change in their quality of life.

A.J. Mahari on Emotional Mastery & her Emotional Mastery Coaching

Emotional mastery coaching offers A.J.’s clients dynamic tools and techniques to learn how to change the way that they think, manage their thoughts and control their emotions in healthy, functional and productive ways. Emotional mastery frees up your energy to manifest your goals and dreams in terms of the Law of Attraction. It is the change that will further reveal each individual’s own personal path of ever-increasing authenticity. Change is a constant in life. We are always learning, growing, healing, and changing. Developing a personal style of mastery with one’s own change is not only a way to recover, heal, or grow, but it is the sacred path of spiritual change. It is the path upon which each soul seeks to leave its footprint in the ever-shifting sands of authentic self-actualization.

Coaching Sessions

As a life coach I provide a caring, compassionate, safe, confidential, non judgemental, validating and supportive relationship within which clients can feel empowered to explore their present-day needs. I essentially act as a human mirror for my clients. I share with my clients an outside and unbiased perspective as to what I observe in listening to their feelings, experiences, and concerns.

Coaching Sessions

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